Whimsical Serendipity

I was up for 24 hours straight because my RSD wasn’t letting me sleep and I couldn’t take a pain pill because I had to get up early. So once we left the hospital, I took a 3 hour nap, which I just woke up from.

Mom’s fine. She’s actually more awake than she usually is after surgery, which is surprising. We’re watching Bones right now. 

That 3 hour nap will keep me awake enough to get stuff done around the house. I was falling asleep in the waiting room when I was waiting for Mom to get out of recovery. I’ll probably be wide awake by the time nighttime falls around, though. The loveliness of RSD.

Can I just ask how it was 50 degrees last week and now it’s 90 degrees?

This is why my RSD hasn’t calmed down.

I’m just trying to think of positive things about RSD and so far I have only two. One of which is that because my pain tolerance is so much higher than it used to be, labor will hopefully be easier in the future when I have kids. Or at least less painful than it would be if I hadn’t gotten (developed? I don’t know what word to use) RSD. So there’s one.

It’s a 2 pain pills kinda night.

I live on the east coast and yet all of the weather issues in the midwest are driving my RSD insane.

Thanks, mother nature. I really love being a human barometer.

I’m so TIRED omg. I only got about 4 hours of sleep thanks to my RSD. I can’t even sleep in this weekend (not that I think it’d let me). It’s one of those days where the thing I’m most looking forward to is bedtime even though I know this will happen all over again.

Time to get ready to go to the movies. 

Okay. So a while ago Mk introduced me to “Survival” by Muse, which is one of the greatest songs ever. 

Race, life is race

And I am gonna win

Yes, I am gonna win

I’ll light the fuse

And I’ll never lose

And I choose to survive

Whatever it takes

You won’t pull ahead

I’ll keep up the pace

And I will reveal my strength to the whole human race

Yes, I am prepared to stay alive

I won’t forgive

Vengeance is mine,

And I wont give in because I choose to thrive

And I LOVE these lyrics because it describes how I deal with my RSD and why I try to keep a positive attitude and keep on fighting.

So Mk you win ALL OF THE AWARDS for introducing me to the best power song ever.

Freaking dog has to climb everywhere on the couch and knows that she shouldn’t because she kept giving me these looks. Decides to climb on a small pile of pillows and blankets and jumps off it.

She lands entirely on my bad leg. I should not be used as a landing pad, dog.

The amount of anger and pain I feel right now is not okay.

Back from pain management. It went like I predicted. Just checking my vitals and that all of the meds are good. They’re all good so I’m continuing on. They don’t make everything better, (well, except the pain pill) but they do prevent everything from getting worse. For now I guess that’s all I can do.

I love both of my doctors. I only saw one of them today but she’s awesome. She asked me if I lost weight and I said yeah and she said how awesome that was. She asked about school and said how proud she was of me. She’s hilarious and makes the appointments less of a chore.

I didn’t set out to lose weight, which is why I didn’t mention it before. I had to alter my diet because of hereditary gastro issues that I’m basically trying to hold off on surgery for. I also resolved to cut a little bit more soda out of my diet just because I’ve been going off track of not drinking enough water, which I’ve been ordered to do since I was 13. It’s paid off for the better, I guess, because I’ve probably dropped 8-10 pounds. I based that off of my change in clothing, which isn’t a huge difference. Really small. I’d know a real estimate except their scale was weird and it read that I didn’t change at all, which doctor could tell I obviously was not. 

We came to the conclusion that I look a lot healthier and am coping 10x better than I did last semester with the pain. I guess I’m coping better, so for now my treatment plan is set until something changes. I don’t feel like I look any different, but I guess some people think I do.

I still have good days and quite a few bad days (especially over the past 2 months with the wonky weather) but overall I guess I’m doing better with coping :)

My pain is flaring miserably, the pain makes me feel sick to my stomach, and to make it worse, I pulled my bad hip in the shower trying to save the showerhead from falling out of its holder and smacking me in the face.

I also have pain management tomorrow which sucks because there’s nothing they can do for me. There’s no more options. I’m not any better and I’m not any worse. I love my doctors, but it’s annoying to pay co-pay just to have them confirm what I already know and that there isn’t anything they can do for me as of right now. It’s just so I can get my meds to keep everything from getting any worse and to make sure there’s no weird side effects (there aren’t).

Ugh. I’m a 19-year-old, who looks like a 12-year-old, but has the health problems of an elderly person.

I hate it when I’m in too much pain and it starts toying with my thoughts and emotions to the point where any little stress sets me off. I just start crying and then I cry for hours uncontrollably.

We built my bookcase (it’s great!) but it basically took all of my existing books off my floor and didn’t leave room for any new ones. And then I realized that I still have a crapton of things to clean before mothers’ day because my siblings are coming HERE for once and if everything isn’t just so, they feel the need to comment and nitpick. You know, not like either of their rooms were ever messy when I was little or anything.

So basically I was upset with having no extra room and being in pain and not being able to work on anything else tonight and I lost it. I’m pretty sure if I didn’t take a pain pill on my own my mom would’ve forced me to take it. I’m stubborn and it’s really not a good thing.